Wednesday, November 9, 2011
His story.
I have lived a very blessed life. It's had it's share of ups and downs like anyone else's, but looking back, I'd say it's been pretty easy. I have a very loving family. I've never wondered if I would eat that night or if I could continue to pay school fees. I've been told about Jesus for as long as I can remember. And recently, this has been a very hard concept for me to understand.
In my limited experience on the mission field, I have met people who have truly suffered. I have friends who watched their families hacked to pieces by machetes. I know people who do not know where their next meal is coming from. I have friends who grew up in refugee camps. People that I love have AIDS. I have a friend who is the only living member of her family because the rest were killed by the LRA. My sweet, "adopted" Ugandan mama lost her 3 year old son because he was electrocuted by the fence of a neighbor who was stealing the electricity to run it and had it set to an illegal voltage, and she walked out of court with no punishment. I have held children that have been abused and neglected. I know mothers who have lost every single one of their children to HIV and malnutrition. I know children that have been dumped in pit latrines to die in the sewage.
I listen to their stories. I laugh with them; I cry with them. And I look back on my own life and wonder why I've always had it so easy.
Today this was on my mind a lot. As I look toward the year ahead, I wonder how I can possibly be an encouragement to a woman who has been viciously raped and is now pregnant. To people who have been abused by the church. To girls caught in the sex trade who have never seen what true love is. To orphans that are old enough to understand that they were abandoned. How can I possibly be an encouragement to the persecuted church when the hardest thing about going to church MY ENTIRE LIFE has only been getting up and ready in time?
And then I am reminded. It's not about what I do. It's not about where I go or what I say. It's not about my story. It's about His story. His story shining through mine. My God, my big, glorious, perfect, holy, just and loving God is the same God for me as He is for them. Though the details will be different, He is in my stories as much as He is in theirs.
He will use me to encourage. He will use me to speak peace and comfort and boldness and whatever people need to hear. He will use me to heal. He will use me to bring joy. He will use me to preach the good news to the poor and set the captives free. He will use me because I want Him to use me.
Today He chose to remind me through my Jesus Calling for the day.. Let me share a bit of it with you:
"...however, some fears surface over and over again, especially fear of the future. you tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, year, decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly in those times. what you are seeing is a false image, because it doesn't include Me... when a future-oriented worry assails you, capture it and disarm it by suffusing the Light of My Presence into that mental image. say to yourself, "Jesus will be with me then and there. with His help, I can cope!" then, come home to the present moment, where you can enjoy Peace in My Presence."
Yes. He will be with me. Even when I feel so inadequate and as though nothing I can say will bring His joy and peace and comfort. Even when my suffering pales in comparison and I don't know how I can possibly be an encouragement... He will use me.
Mostly, He will use me to love on the people that I come into contact with. All of them. The orphans in Haiti. The sex-trafficked women in Moldova. My teammates. The witch doctors in Swaziland. The pastors in China. My squad. The widows in India. People in each country, at every hostel, and on every train.
Because His story.. It's about love.
In my limited experience on the mission field, I have met people who have truly suffered. I have friends who watched their families hacked to pieces by machetes. I know people who do not know where their next meal is coming from. I have friends who grew up in refugee camps. People that I love have AIDS. I have a friend who is the only living member of her family because the rest were killed by the LRA. My sweet, "adopted" Ugandan mama lost her 3 year old son because he was electrocuted by the fence of a neighbor who was stealing the electricity to run it and had it set to an illegal voltage, and she walked out of court with no punishment. I have held children that have been abused and neglected. I know mothers who have lost every single one of their children to HIV and malnutrition. I know children that have been dumped in pit latrines to die in the sewage.
I listen to their stories. I laugh with them; I cry with them. And I look back on my own life and wonder why I've always had it so easy.
Today this was on my mind a lot. As I look toward the year ahead, I wonder how I can possibly be an encouragement to a woman who has been viciously raped and is now pregnant. To people who have been abused by the church. To girls caught in the sex trade who have never seen what true love is. To orphans that are old enough to understand that they were abandoned. How can I possibly be an encouragement to the persecuted church when the hardest thing about going to church MY ENTIRE LIFE has only been getting up and ready in time?
And then I am reminded. It's not about what I do. It's not about where I go or what I say. It's not about my story. It's about His story. His story shining through mine. My God, my big, glorious, perfect, holy, just and loving God is the same God for me as He is for them. Though the details will be different, He is in my stories as much as He is in theirs.
He will use me to encourage. He will use me to speak peace and comfort and boldness and whatever people need to hear. He will use me to heal. He will use me to bring joy. He will use me to preach the good news to the poor and set the captives free. He will use me because I want Him to use me.
Today He chose to remind me through my Jesus Calling for the day.. Let me share a bit of it with you:
"...however, some fears surface over and over again, especially fear of the future. you tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, year, decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly in those times. what you are seeing is a false image, because it doesn't include Me... when a future-oriented worry assails you, capture it and disarm it by suffusing the Light of My Presence into that mental image. say to yourself, "Jesus will be with me then and there. with His help, I can cope!" then, come home to the present moment, where you can enjoy Peace in My Presence."
Yes. He will be with me. Even when I feel so inadequate and as though nothing I can say will bring His joy and peace and comfort. Even when my suffering pales in comparison and I don't know how I can possibly be an encouragement... He will use me.
Mostly, He will use me to love on the people that I come into contact with. All of them. The orphans in Haiti. The sex-trafficked women in Moldova. My teammates. The witch doctors in Swaziland. The pastors in China. My squad. The widows in India. People in each country, at every hostel, and on every train.
Because His story.. It's about love.
Friday, October 28, 2011
It's About the Journey
I've recently come to the conclusion that life isn't about where we end up.
It's not about the final result. The completed task. The finished race.
It's about the journey. The process of how we got to where we are. What we learned along the way.
You see, I had a plan. My plan was to finish college (which I did), buy a one-way ticket to Uganda (which I did not), and be well on my way to life as a full-time missionary living in Africa (which I am not.)
Needless to say, life is not going according to my plans.
Instead, I graduated college, spent my third summer in a row in Uganda, came home, and started raising support for something else. Something that, in all honesty, I did not want to do. Instead of moving indefinitely to the country that I have fallen in love with over the past two and a half years, I will be leaving in January to spend eleven months visiting eleven countries that I do not feel called to and am not in love with. Not exactly my first choice.
But that's the thing. It's not about where I end up. It's about the journey.
A few weeks ago I headed down to a small town in northern Georgia to go to training camp for my upcoming trip. To say I went in hesitant would be an understatement. Although I had already started raising support, I went into training begging the Lord to close the door. To give me a peace that I wasn't supposed to go on this trip, that He had something else in mind. To let me walk away from the week happy that I had gone, but sure as sure could be that this trip wasn't for me.
Instead, I had the most exhausting, overwhelming, intense, draining, and hard week of my life. Bar none. And I knew. By the end of the first night, I knew that I was supposed to be there. Dang it.
I do not even know a tiny bit of what the upcoming year holds for me. It's not about the fact that at the end of every month, I will be laying my head down on a pillow in another country. It doesn't matter that at the end of the year, my feet will again hit American soil. It's not about that.
It's about where He takes me throughout the year. The still, small moments when I feel His presence and hear His voice. The hearts that are yearning to hear the Gospel, the good news of a Savior who loves them just the way they are-- even in the midst of their mess. The moments when He uses conversations to change lives. The diapers that need to be changed. The moments I see Him in a way that I never thought I would. The times where I learn to die to myself and choose to live that way. The children that need to be held. The people that need to see HOPE, myself included. The moments where I learn to pour out every drop of love that I have simply because He has loved me so well.
So I'm going on a journey. (Tentatively) Dominican Republic, Haiti, Romania, Moldova, Mozambique, Swaziland, South Africa, Nepal, India, China, and Philippines here I come.
Join me?
It's not about the final result. The completed task. The finished race.
It's about the journey. The process of how we got to where we are. What we learned along the way.
You see, I had a plan. My plan was to finish college (which I did), buy a one-way ticket to Uganda (which I did not), and be well on my way to life as a full-time missionary living in Africa (which I am not.)
Needless to say, life is not going according to my plans.
Instead, I graduated college, spent my third summer in a row in Uganda, came home, and started raising support for something else. Something that, in all honesty, I did not want to do. Instead of moving indefinitely to the country that I have fallen in love with over the past two and a half years, I will be leaving in January to spend eleven months visiting eleven countries that I do not feel called to and am not in love with. Not exactly my first choice.
But that's the thing. It's not about where I end up. It's about the journey.
A few weeks ago I headed down to a small town in northern Georgia to go to training camp for my upcoming trip. To say I went in hesitant would be an understatement. Although I had already started raising support, I went into training begging the Lord to close the door. To give me a peace that I wasn't supposed to go on this trip, that He had something else in mind. To let me walk away from the week happy that I had gone, but sure as sure could be that this trip wasn't for me.
Instead, I had the most exhausting, overwhelming, intense, draining, and hard week of my life. Bar none. And I knew. By the end of the first night, I knew that I was supposed to be there. Dang it.
I do not even know a tiny bit of what the upcoming year holds for me. It's not about the fact that at the end of every month, I will be laying my head down on a pillow in another country. It doesn't matter that at the end of the year, my feet will again hit American soil. It's not about that.
It's about where He takes me throughout the year. The still, small moments when I feel His presence and hear His voice. The hearts that are yearning to hear the Gospel, the good news of a Savior who loves them just the way they are-- even in the midst of their mess. The moments when He uses conversations to change lives. The diapers that need to be changed. The moments I see Him in a way that I never thought I would. The times where I learn to die to myself and choose to live that way. The children that need to be held. The people that need to see HOPE, myself included. The moments where I learn to pour out every drop of love that I have simply because He has loved me so well.
So I'm going on a journey. (Tentatively) Dominican Republic, Haiti, Romania, Moldova, Mozambique, Swaziland, South Africa, Nepal, India, China, and Philippines here I come.
Join me?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Hard stuff.
Life here is hard sometimes.
People who sincerely don't want their kids. Neglect. Abuse. Inconvenience. Manipulation. Corruption. Deception. Injustice.
Injustice has been a big one on my heart for the past couple of weeks. Several weeks ago we learned of an organization doing work in the children's prison and rehabilitation centers. Last week, we met with their in-country director. He told us all about the (in)justice system here in Uganda. He told us how after the age of 12, if you are accused of a crime, you are sent to a "remand center." You are there for a minimum of 3 months before your case is heard in court. If you are found innocent, you are then sent home. (Yes, after serving 3 months.) If you are found guilty, they send you to the "rehabilitation center" aka the child prison in Uganda for up to 3 years. Crimes tend to be theft or sexual immorality (yes- you can go to prison for being sexually active under the age of 18 here) although sometimes parents send their kids to this prison simply for being stubborn or disrespectful or disobedient. (Hello teenage years- who ISN'T stubborn, disrespectful, and disobedient? Sorry, Mom.)
Upon arrival, you are typically put in the "black house" - an approximately 6x4 foot cement room with barred windows at the very top and no mattress, no mosquito net, no hole, and usually not even a bucket. Injustice. You can stay there for weeks at a time. Maybe getting one meal a day, maybe allowed to clean out the room once a day.. Maybe lucky enough to have a bucket to use instead of the floor. Maybe. They do this because there are no fences at the prison. Instead, they break you down so far mentally that you don't even think about running away. Beatings are common. Injustice. After your time in the black house, you go to a large room with lots of windows, some mattresses, and some holes in the ground. You are still not allowed to leave that room. More weeks are spent there. Eventually, you are allowed into the normal rooms to serve the remainder of your sentence. These are big rooms with bunk beds, and thanks to this organization- mosquito nets. If you are somehow being sponsored, you can attend school. There are about 120 kids serving time there and about 100 of them are in school, which is a huge praise. They have about 30 workers.
We went to this prison last week. We were shown around after signing in at the office and stating our purposes. I walked into the black house. Names had been scratched into the walls. One child wrote "I WILL NEVER BE IN HERE AGAIN." Those images are now scratched into my mind. I cannot imagine the isolation. Weeks at a time in that room? Injustice. These kids are so much stronger than I will ever be.
We walked into the bigger room where the kids "in between" time is. There were about 40-60 boys of all ages in that room. Convicted of crimes? No. Kids that were rounded up off the streets in the government's attempt to "clean Kampala." We sat down with them, and through a translator, several of them shared their stories. We know that some of them were lying.. Some of them really were begging on the streets. (Which is illegal here.) But some of them.. You could tell they were telling the truth. Wrongly snatched from the streets near their homes. Injustice. Like one boy that I will never forget. He couldn't have been more than 10 years old. He had been staying in Kampala with his uncle, receiving treatment at one of the hospitals there. He had finished treatment and was getting ready to go home to southern Uganda, a few hours from the capital city. Home to his parents. His family. He was throwing some rubbish away outside one night when the police grabbed him and forced him onto a bus. He tried to tell them that he was just throwing his uncle's garbage away- he could see the house from where they were. He pointed. He tried to explain. They didn't care. He was forced onto the bus and brought to the prison. With tears in his eyes, he told us that if he just knew his uncle's phone number, he would have been there to get him by now. I will never forget his story. Several like it. The boys begging us to do something, to help them get out and go home. We sat with them on the floor, heartbroken, humbled, and furious that there was nothing that we could do. Injustice.
We left that room and went to talk to the few girls at the prison. Again, we sat down with a translator, this time in a room with chairs in a big circle, and the girls were free to move about the compound as they wished. The girls told us that life was not too bad for them there. That they had more freedom than the boys. That they were tired of the same food, beans and posho, every day. Some had been there just weeks, some for almost a year. Several didn't even know how long they would have to be there. Before the translator had come in, I asked the girls if they knew English. They said no. I was surprised because many people here know English, especially if they are coming from the city. (Which many of them said that they were.) During our time with the translator, he sometimes said things in English and they would laugh. After he left, I told the girls that I knew they knew English, and that I really wanted to talk to them. They laughed, knowing they had lied to me, and I convinced them to pull their chairs closer. I asked them if they REALLY thought that life was not too bad for them there. They said that was somehow true, that it could be worse, but that it was not good. That they missed their families. That they would not be so stubborn if they were at home again. (Several of them said that they were there simply for refusing to go to school. We know that some of them were lying, but some of them were not.) They said that beatings were very, very common there and could be for the slightest of things. They also said that it was very common to be put in the black house as punishment for weeks at a time. They had all been put there. Injustice. Talking to these girls stirred my heart. I wanted so badly to reach out to them. To stay for the rest of the day and just let them know how much God loves them. How much I love them because of the love Christ has given me. How I hope to be able to go back to them, or at least be able to reach out to girls in similar situations because of the impact that talking to them had on my life. I want them to know that I will not forget them in my prayers. That my life will be different because of my time spent with them.
Injustice is everywhere here. It's in the baby that is dumped in a pit latrine or dumpster left to die. In the teenage girl who rebelled because she never had parents that taught her about Jesus and the way to live her life. In the starving child who was being fed only tea because of an HIV+ mother. In the disabled teenager left on a mat in a hut all day, every day. A day will not go by without injustice staring you straight in the face.
Thankfully, I serve a God who is just!
"If it is a matter of strength, He is mighty! And if it is a matter of justice, who can challenge Him?" -Job 9:19
"For the Lord is righteous, He loves justice. The upright will see His face." -Psalm 11:7
"And the heavens proclaim His righteousness, for He is a God of justice." -Psalm 50:6
"Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will bring justice to the nations... In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness." -Isaiah 42
Peace & Love.
People who sincerely don't want their kids. Neglect. Abuse. Inconvenience. Manipulation. Corruption. Deception. Injustice.
Injustice has been a big one on my heart for the past couple of weeks. Several weeks ago we learned of an organization doing work in the children's prison and rehabilitation centers. Last week, we met with their in-country director. He told us all about the (in)justice system here in Uganda. He told us how after the age of 12, if you are accused of a crime, you are sent to a "remand center." You are there for a minimum of 3 months before your case is heard in court. If you are found innocent, you are then sent home. (Yes, after serving 3 months.) If you are found guilty, they send you to the "rehabilitation center" aka the child prison in Uganda for up to 3 years. Crimes tend to be theft or sexual immorality (yes- you can go to prison for being sexually active under the age of 18 here) although sometimes parents send their kids to this prison simply for being stubborn or disrespectful or disobedient. (Hello teenage years- who ISN'T stubborn, disrespectful, and disobedient? Sorry, Mom.)
Upon arrival, you are typically put in the "black house" - an approximately 6x4 foot cement room with barred windows at the very top and no mattress, no mosquito net, no hole, and usually not even a bucket. Injustice. You can stay there for weeks at a time. Maybe getting one meal a day, maybe allowed to clean out the room once a day.. Maybe lucky enough to have a bucket to use instead of the floor. Maybe. They do this because there are no fences at the prison. Instead, they break you down so far mentally that you don't even think about running away. Beatings are common. Injustice. After your time in the black house, you go to a large room with lots of windows, some mattresses, and some holes in the ground. You are still not allowed to leave that room. More weeks are spent there. Eventually, you are allowed into the normal rooms to serve the remainder of your sentence. These are big rooms with bunk beds, and thanks to this organization- mosquito nets. If you are somehow being sponsored, you can attend school. There are about 120 kids serving time there and about 100 of them are in school, which is a huge praise. They have about 30 workers.
We went to this prison last week. We were shown around after signing in at the office and stating our purposes. I walked into the black house. Names had been scratched into the walls. One child wrote "I WILL NEVER BE IN HERE AGAIN." Those images are now scratched into my mind. I cannot imagine the isolation. Weeks at a time in that room? Injustice. These kids are so much stronger than I will ever be.
We walked into the bigger room where the kids "in between" time is. There were about 40-60 boys of all ages in that room. Convicted of crimes? No. Kids that were rounded up off the streets in the government's attempt to "clean Kampala." We sat down with them, and through a translator, several of them shared their stories. We know that some of them were lying.. Some of them really were begging on the streets. (Which is illegal here.) But some of them.. You could tell they were telling the truth. Wrongly snatched from the streets near their homes. Injustice. Like one boy that I will never forget. He couldn't have been more than 10 years old. He had been staying in Kampala with his uncle, receiving treatment at one of the hospitals there. He had finished treatment and was getting ready to go home to southern Uganda, a few hours from the capital city. Home to his parents. His family. He was throwing some rubbish away outside one night when the police grabbed him and forced him onto a bus. He tried to tell them that he was just throwing his uncle's garbage away- he could see the house from where they were. He pointed. He tried to explain. They didn't care. He was forced onto the bus and brought to the prison. With tears in his eyes, he told us that if he just knew his uncle's phone number, he would have been there to get him by now. I will never forget his story. Several like it. The boys begging us to do something, to help them get out and go home. We sat with them on the floor, heartbroken, humbled, and furious that there was nothing that we could do. Injustice.
We left that room and went to talk to the few girls at the prison. Again, we sat down with a translator, this time in a room with chairs in a big circle, and the girls were free to move about the compound as they wished. The girls told us that life was not too bad for them there. That they had more freedom than the boys. That they were tired of the same food, beans and posho, every day. Some had been there just weeks, some for almost a year. Several didn't even know how long they would have to be there. Before the translator had come in, I asked the girls if they knew English. They said no. I was surprised because many people here know English, especially if they are coming from the city. (Which many of them said that they were.) During our time with the translator, he sometimes said things in English and they would laugh. After he left, I told the girls that I knew they knew English, and that I really wanted to talk to them. They laughed, knowing they had lied to me, and I convinced them to pull their chairs closer. I asked them if they REALLY thought that life was not too bad for them there. They said that was somehow true, that it could be worse, but that it was not good. That they missed their families. That they would not be so stubborn if they were at home again. (Several of them said that they were there simply for refusing to go to school. We know that some of them were lying, but some of them were not.) They said that beatings were very, very common there and could be for the slightest of things. They also said that it was very common to be put in the black house as punishment for weeks at a time. They had all been put there. Injustice. Talking to these girls stirred my heart. I wanted so badly to reach out to them. To stay for the rest of the day and just let them know how much God loves them. How much I love them because of the love Christ has given me. How I hope to be able to go back to them, or at least be able to reach out to girls in similar situations because of the impact that talking to them had on my life. I want them to know that I will not forget them in my prayers. That my life will be different because of my time spent with them.
Injustice is everywhere here. It's in the baby that is dumped in a pit latrine or dumpster left to die. In the teenage girl who rebelled because she never had parents that taught her about Jesus and the way to live her life. In the starving child who was being fed only tea because of an HIV+ mother. In the disabled teenager left on a mat in a hut all day, every day. A day will not go by without injustice staring you straight in the face.
Thankfully, I serve a God who is just!
"If it is a matter of strength, He is mighty! And if it is a matter of justice, who can challenge Him?" -Job 9:19
"For the Lord is righteous, He loves justice. The upright will see His face." -Psalm 11:7
"And the heavens proclaim His righteousness, for He is a God of justice." -Psalm 50:6
"Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will bring justice to the nations... In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness." -Isaiah 42
Peace & Love.
Friday, July 8, 2011
all FB updates into one..
- So for some reason my Facebook updates weren't getting sent out to everyone so I have just copied and pasted them all here for you to read.. My summer so far:
grace in africa - June 7- my heart is at home.I have to start by saying how grateful I am that our sweet Lord has allowed me to come back to Uganda, for such a time as this. He knew how much I needed to be here. My heart is so much here. I wish I could explain it. It's funny how much I feel at home in a country that I had never even set foot in two and a half years ago. Everything here is now familiar and brings such comfort. The huge, open skies. Mosquito nets. Cokes made with real sugar. Red, dirt roads. And a thousand other things that I love about being here.
So as most of you know, this summer looks different than the others. Technically I am not volunteering in any one place, but instead taking each day as it comes. I've spent a lot of time at Ekisa, where I am staying, working with kids with special needs. They are PRECIOUS and I love them so much. It's definitely stretching me, but it's been good. I've also been able to visit my little man at Amani, which is great. Jacob has such a HUGE piece of my heart. Right now I am trying to figure out what the best way is to love him. I would appreciate any prayers about that. :)
Mainly I'm concerned because I know that he is attached to me, and I'm trying to figure out how much time I should be spending with him, since I am leaving again in July. It's hard. I've also gotten to spend a lot of time with George, a little boy who used to be at Amani but is now living with his grandma. He's almost 6 and a complete charmer ans has me wrapped around his finger. I adore him. I've also been able to go on a couple of home visits to former Amani kids that have been reunited with family. It is such a fun thing to see kids thriving with their natural families! Yesterday we went to a village in Pallisa, about 3 hours from Jinja to see a little girl who I was really close with last summer. She is in school now and doing so well. We had such a good time. I've also been able to spend a lot of quality time with friends that are so close to my heart. I know that these friendships are a huge part of why I needed to come back this summer. I'm so so thankful to be in the community here that I am. I could not have planned the timing any better. Oh, and I can't forget.. Saturday I was able to go with some friends to Kampala (the capital) for a Uganda Cranes soccer game.. It was a BLAST! We were a little nervous after the world cup bombings in Kampala last summer, but everything was fine. The 4 of us white girls were pretty much the hit of the game.. I think our pictures will be a bit all over haha. We won 2-0 and had a really fun time. One guy even took his shirt off and ran onto the field, only to get chased down by police officers.. Hilarious.
Okay so now that I've bored you with the "what I am doing here" details- I promise the next update will be much more interesting. ;)
Please keep me in your prayers as things have been rough for me for the past few weeks. I would definitely appreciate prayers for strength and peace as I am trying to process through some big things right now that have really put a beating on my heart. I feel like the following lyrics pretty much sum up the way I've been feeling..
bring me joy, bring me peace. bring the chance to be free. bring me anything that brings You glory. and i know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain. (mercy me)
Peace & Love.
- grace in africa - June 10
- Jesus Calling for todayHey sweet friends.
This morning I just wanted to share with you today's devotional from the devo book I have. It spoke RIGHT to where I am in my life right now and I wanted to share it with ya'll, in the hopes that it will bring you some encouragement as you begin another day.
"Rest in Me, My child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of your day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours. How foolish you are, My child!
Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of My presence with you. This will keep you resting in Me all day, every day."
Amina! (Amen in Luganda.)
Prayer requests:
-for peace. I am still really struggling with some of the things going on in my life. I need to cling to His peace, the only thing that will comfort me.
-for clarity and direction. The more I learn, the more I don't know exactly what ministry the Lord is calling me to in order to help the orphans of the world.
-for healing. I have had a nasty cold for the past few days that I just can't seem to kick! The locals here call it "having flu" so everyone has been letting me know that I am, in fact- not fine- but that I am suffering with flu! Darn it.
Peace & Love,
Grace
- grace in africa - June 15
- Quick update of a long day..Today I spent over 4 hours in a children's hospital here in town. A few days ago when I went to visit Amani, a baby they had just gotten the day before completely stole my heart. The first time I saw little Enock, I thought he was just precious! When I asked how old he was, they said "6" and then paused and I just KNEW that they were going to say days. "6...Months." MONTHS?!?! This sweet little boy barely weighs 2.6 kilos. (Less than 6 pounds.) I was shocked. I found out that his mother is HIV+ and when she delivered, they told her not to breastfeed. For whatever reason, instead of getting formula or milk, Enock was being fed tea. And only tea. He is tiny and fragile but boy is he a fighter!! When I found out yesterday that they needed to take him to the clinic to get tested for HIV, I jumped at the chance to spend some serious quality time with him. So I wrapped him all up and spent the morning waiting and waiting and cuddling and cuddling until they finally took the test (which only took about 5 minutes.) The people there were really staring at us a lot.. The combination of me being white and him being so small had them all talking. It made me SO frustrated at the Ugandan health care system but also gave me some sweet time to pray over Enock's life and get in some good snuggles. I was exhausted by the time we left, but thankful as well.
Since this trip is somewhat short for me, I wasn't planning on doing ANY traveling while I was here. Apparently though, the travel bug has gotten the best of me and I am heading back to Rwanda for the third time tomorrow night for a few days. There is a big festival on Saturday because they are naming a newborn baby gorilla and apparently it is a huge deal. I have several Rwandan friends as well as friends that are working/volunteering in Rwanda, so I think it will be a good few days!
Prayer requests:
-travel mercies. That 9+ hour bus trip is not a fun one. Especially with my stomach.
-I still cannot kick this cold! It's just kind of puts a damper on things.
-My heart in leaving UG for a few days to go to Rwanda. I am having very mixed feelings about going for many reasons and I just ask for prayer for peace and comfort.
-Still definitely needing prayer on how to best love Jacob. The past few times I have been at Amani I have realized how important it is that I do my best to figure out what is the best thing for him. Obviously, that is a family.. But trying to figure out my role in his life right now is a bit tricky.
-My heart is hurting right now. A lot. More than anything I feel like I need prayers for healing and for the ability to trust the Lord with everything. Everyday. Just laying it all at the foot of the cross, where it belongs.
Peace & Love.
- mercies in disguise.Well, due to some circumstances beyond my control, I didn't end up going to Rwanda. I just didn't feel well and didn't feel right about going so we stayed here.
Not going allowed me to keep George for the weekend, which was pretty fun. I was just going to keep him Friday night but then his grandma asked me to keep him until Sunday because she was going to Kampala on Saturday. Of course I said sure. :) He really is a funny kid. He tends to be pretty bossy and sometimes has bad manners, but we are working on it. He's generally loud and quite the charmer, but when I make him say "please" and "thank you" - he says it in a barely audible whisper. He hates saying it! It's also pretty interesting to see his mannerisms and the way he asks for things.. I feel like you can tell that he lived the first 5 years of his life in an orphanage. Sunday when we were walking to catch a boda to take him back to his jjajjas, he noticed a helicopter about to land on the airstrip. (We live right on it.) Lots of people were crowding around to watch because the airfield is hardly ever used. We hopped on a boda, drove down a bit, and had to stop right in front of it because the traffic was stopped. Turned out it was Museveni, Uganda's president! We watched him walk from his chopper to a car and drive off, and George talked about it the rest of the day. He asked if Dr Besigye (the main opponent) was with him, but our boda informed him that they aren't really friends. Haha. But all in all we had a really good weekend and he told me to make sure to tell his jjajja that I was going to come back and bring him to Kimaka (where we live) again.
Anyway.. I would really appreciate prayers for my heart right now. I am having a hard time really focusing on my time here and using each minute to the fullest. I've felt completely overwhelmed by so many things lately and am doing a poor job of trusting God to take care of them all. Sometimes it's just hard! I am so ready to start my life full-time here, yet I don't have any doors opening. It's so frustrating. When the doors that I was expecting/wishing to open didn't, I ended up applying to a program called The World Race. (www.theworldrace.org) It's an 11 month, 11 country mission trip around the world, spending a month in each country partnering with some kind of ministry there. It's an incredible opportunity and I'm blown away by the fact that the door is open for me to go. My spot is secured, yet I'm really struggling with just wanting to be HERE, where so much of my heart is. But I want to be here in God's timing, not my own, so if that's not now, then I don't truly want to be here now. I would love prayers for peace and trusting as I serve here and wait for His direction. (Also, on a side note- when I come home I will be having to raise $15,500 for the trip. I am bringing home lots of goodies to sell to help me get there and would love 2 things from you. First, if there are certain things you think you would buy, I would love for you to send me a message telling me. [Jewelry, scarves, bags, decorations, African statues, etc.] Second, my goal is to have 10 "shop parties" WHEREVER that people are willing to host for me to come and sell from. Basically just a window of a few hours that you would open your house and invite your friends to come and shop. If you are interested in this, please PLEASE message me so we can go ahead and get dates scheduled in!)
Anyway, the song I am attaching a link to has seriously been a lifesaver for me this semester. It was a hard and draining semester, and sometimes I would just sit and listen to this song over and over again and let the words speak to my heart. I have found myself again in a place where I am clinging to these words. Especially the following:
"all the while, You hear each desperate plea. and long that we'd have faith to believe. cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? what if Your healing comes through tears? what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? and what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"
I hope you enjoy the song as much as I have and really let it speak to your heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ
Peace & Love.
grace in africa- June 27- plans always change..Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord determines his steps.. Right? Right. I am such a planner. These days.. Nothing has gone according to plan.
Instead of going to Rwanda last week, I didn't. A lot of thought went into my decision to stay, but for many reasons I felt that it wouldn't be good on my heart for me to go. So I stayed. Instead, that weekend George (my 5 year old sponsored boy that used to be at the orphanage but now lives with his grandma) came and stayed with me for the weekend. He is so funny and so stubborn! He loves to dance and says hilarious things and has bad manners but loves being with me and I love him so much! All in all, we had a pretty good weekend. :)
Then one day a team from Fort Smith/Searcy was working with Kampala and came to Jinja for the day and I got to take them to Amani and Ekisa and show them Jinja and the kiddos and then got spoiled by all of the goodies they brought for the kiddos! (And a few for me too!) I went back to Kampala with them and met up with another team- this one from Little Rock- and stayed a couple of days with them. I won't go into details, but the Lord made it so completely obvious (before I left the US) that I was supposed to meet the woman leading this team and spend some time with them and I am SO glad that I did. I spent a couple of days with them and was just so encouraged by their passion and desire to know and serve the Lord. (And these were all 16-18 year olds! I wish I had "gotten it" like they do when I was there age.) We showed the Jesus Film in a slum one night and spent the next morning working at a home for street kids and the afternoon piercing ears in a slum. (It is a widely held belief that witch doctors won't abduct children that aren't "natural"- ie girls with their ears pierced and circumcised boys- for child sacrifice.) I only pierced 3 kids- a 1 month old, a 3 month old, and like a 5 year old before I just went to play and love on kids. It was an interesting experience to say the least!
The highlight of the afternoon was helping them to hold a sweet 1 month old still while they pierrced her ears. After, I asked the mom if I could hold her and she said that I could. I asked the mom her name and talked to her for a bit then asked the girls name.. The convo looked like this:
Me: How old is your daughter?
Her: 1 month.
Me: She's beautiful. What is her name?
Her: She doesn't have.
Me: She doesn't have?? You haven't chosen for her yet?
Her: No. You choose.
Me: What?!?!
Her: You give her a name.
Me: Okay... (long pause)... Grace.
Her: (smiling) Okay!
Hahahaha. SO I named a child for the first time, and yes, I gave her my name. :) Some of the kids on the team informed me of how vain that is, but my daddy gave me my name and I think it is a great, Godly name. :) One of the team leaders came over and started talking to the mom and asked her the baby's name and the woman said that I had named her and I told her what I named her and she was SO excited and kept thinking about "grace" when she was praying over her while she was getting her ears pierced. She then started talking to the mom about God's grace in sending us Jesus.. Which was obviously my point in naming her that, I just hadn't quite gotten around to telling her that yet.. ;)
So.. That's life as of late. Lots of plans being changed and worlds being rocked. Still praying about what the Lord has next for me and where. I am so ready to be here full time but no door has opened. Perhaps the Lord telling me to wait. Perhaps the Lord telling me to knock harder. I'm still praying. The question everyone seems to be asking me is WHY I am going home. To be honest, I don't know. My answer feels weak. "I have nothing to do here." How is that true? There is such a need here, yet I don't feel like I have found my "place." I don't even know what that looks like or where to start. I leave a month from today and just the thought of it.. Yikes. I don't even want to go there.
I had a few people send me messages about being willing to host "shop events" for me in their houses, but not as many as I was hoping for. I have a list of people that I am planning on asking SO if you think you're gonna be on that list, maybe you should message me first.. ;)
Prayers appreciated, as always. Life keeps me busy here and so I am unable to think through and process certain things that I need to be processing and thinking through. Pray that I am able to be intentional about things that I need to be intentional about. (Sorry it's so vague haha.)
Peace & Love.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
My 2 week whirlwind.
Hard to believe that I can pretty much recap my entire trip in one message this time. 2 weeks. Too short. In a nutshell, it was good, but hard. I'm glad that I went. No doubt about that. (It was the best graduation present I could possibly give myself.) But it was hard. It is hard to leave your heart completely in one place and to go somewhere else and try to continue living without it. And that's how I feel. Such a huge piece of my heart is there that I feel incomplete without it. Something is missing. But I know that God's timing is good and perfect. He is faithful even when we are not. His love isn't dependent on what we do or don't do. He is perfect. I'm resting in that right now.
A few of my favorite moments from the trip:
-reuniting with my little man and smothering him with kisses
-getting George (one of my favorite former Amani kids) enrolled in SCHOOL!!! Praise the Lord for this. (And for my great friend Katie Davis and her ministry- check it out- www.amazima.org)
-George's grandma telling me that he was so excited to spend the day with me that he woke up at 2AM asking her if he could start bathing :)
-people's reaction when I surprised them by showing up :)
-Dance parties in the kitchen with my friend Katie and her 13 kids
-spending quality time with those that I consider my African family (while thoroughly missing others!!)
-getting to share a photo album with 2 of the kids at Amani that their family sent with me (they will be getting adopted to arkansas! Hooray!)
-seeing the progress that my African soul mate is making on her home for kids with disabilities (www.ekisa.org)
-feeling my heart and body reconnect for the first time since August
-taking my little man (Jacob) to church with me and being able to sing praises to the One who has allowed me to serve in Uganda and listening to the Word while he slept soundly against me.. So sweet. :)
Pictures to come soon!
As most of you know, I have some pretty big decisions ahead of me right now. I graduate in May. "What are you going to do after school?" seems to be the million dollar question these days. Honestly, I have no idea at this point. Maybe go straight to Africa. Maybe do some kind of Bible/mission training program from somewhere from 7 weeks to 12 months. Maybe travel a bit. Maybe work. Maybe raise support while prayerfully deciding where to go. So I'm not sure.
Humbly, I ask for prayer. For discernment and wisdom. For clarity and the ability to walk the path that He has laid out for me. I know that I am called back to Africa, but I do not know the timing. I would be on my way the day after graduation if it were up to me, but I am trying so hard to distinguish my desires from His. His timing is better than anything that I could imagine, and I want to walk His path for me in His time, leaving my wants and desires behind. So I ask for prayer that will be true in my life. :)
Thank you for all of the support, messages, encouragement, and prayers. I couldn't do it without everyone!
-Grace
A few of my favorite moments from the trip:
-reuniting with my little man and smothering him with kisses
-getting George (one of my favorite former Amani kids) enrolled in SCHOOL!!! Praise the Lord for this. (And for my great friend Katie Davis and her ministry- check it out- www.amazima.org)
-George's grandma telling me that he was so excited to spend the day with me that he woke up at 2AM asking her if he could start bathing :)
-people's reaction when I surprised them by showing up :)
-Dance parties in the kitchen with my friend Katie and her 13 kids
-spending quality time with those that I consider my African family (while thoroughly missing others!!)
-getting to share a photo album with 2 of the kids at Amani that their family sent with me (they will be getting adopted to arkansas! Hooray!)
-seeing the progress that my African soul mate is making on her home for kids with disabilities (www.ekisa.org)
-feeling my heart and body reconnect for the first time since August
-taking my little man (Jacob) to church with me and being able to sing praises to the One who has allowed me to serve in Uganda and listening to the Word while he slept soundly against me.. So sweet. :)
Pictures to come soon!
As most of you know, I have some pretty big decisions ahead of me right now. I graduate in May. "What are you going to do after school?" seems to be the million dollar question these days. Honestly, I have no idea at this point. Maybe go straight to Africa. Maybe do some kind of Bible/mission training program from somewhere from 7 weeks to 12 months. Maybe travel a bit. Maybe work. Maybe raise support while prayerfully deciding where to go. So I'm not sure.
Humbly, I ask for prayer. For discernment and wisdom. For clarity and the ability to walk the path that He has laid out for me. I know that I am called back to Africa, but I do not know the timing. I would be on my way the day after graduation if it were up to me, but I am trying so hard to distinguish my desires from His. His timing is better than anything that I could imagine, and I want to walk His path for me in His time, leaving my wants and desires behind. So I ask for prayer that will be true in my life. :)
Thank you for all of the support, messages, encouragement, and prayers. I couldn't do it without everyone!
-Grace
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