I know I've been gone for a while. My apologies. I will be updating soon. In the next week or so, if I had to guess.. :) Until then, be challenged with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWHJ6-YhSYQ

Well. I'm sorry for a lack of good updates. You know, the spiritual ones where I share all of the profound things that God is teaching me and how my heart is being opened and stretched and broken while I'm here. You know, like last year. The thing is, this year is different. So different.

Last year, I had no idea what to expect. I was taking a huge step of faith and going very far out of my comfort zone. I was scared. I was unsure. I knew that I needed God. I couldn't rely on my own strength. So I didn't. I sought the Lord last year like I've never done before. I relied on Him, and He came through. I felt closer to Him than ever before.. The promise of when we draw near to Him, He draws near to us became TRUE in my life and I felt it.

And then I went home. And had the hardest year of my life. Every single relationship in my life changed drastically. Why? Because I changed drastically. The Lord replaced my heart of stone with a heart of flesh last year. And you know what? IT HURT!!!!! But He continued to teach me so much. I may have felt farther from Him than I ever have, but I also felt the comfort of His promises and I knew He was pushing me to love better, to serve better, to be a better ambassador for Him. I have known over the past year that the reason that I haven't felt as close to God was because I wasn't seeking Him. I know that no matter where I am or what my circumstances are, He is not the one who changes. I am. HE IS CONSTANT. I am not.

Even though I have learned that truth, I have not let it change how I have acted. I still did not seek Him like I should have this past year. I spent more time raising awareness to the cause and mourning over the loss of my heart (leaving it in Uganda) then I did simply resting at His feet. And then I came back. And I expected that intimacy to return. And it didn't. Why? Not because God is different this year than He was last year. Because I am. And in all my stupidity, I have not relied on Him this year like I did last year. I am now comfortable here. It feels like home. And because of that, I try to live and serve and love here out of my own strength. And it's failing. Miserably.

I think satan knows that I am trying to do these things on my own. And he is attacking me. I have been more tired, sick, exhausted, and gotten less sleep and had less patience, love, and compassion. This is because I have not been seeking my Father like I need to be. But yesterday, God gave me a reality check. IT IS MY CHOICE. I can continue to miserably serve out of my own (very little) strength, or I can rely on Him daily to renew me and provide me with His love and joy instead of my own. I am now choosing this path. (Took me long enough, huh?)

Here are some lyrics of the song that the Lord used to reveal this truth to me.

"I want to feel You now like I felt You then

Strip away my calloused heart
Set Your arrow hit Your mark
Bring me back to where love starts
Bring me back to where You are

Father I'm running Father I'm coming home
I cannot go on
Your child is running, Father I'm coming home
Back where I belong

I know You've heard this all before
When I'm down and crying on the floor
Saying I want You and nothing more

But I'm breaking in my heart tonight
I've tried to stand I've tried to fight
But I cannot see without Your light"


Listen to this song. It is the song of my heart today. (And I do hope the link is right, the internet is too slow here to let it load and make sure. Haha. If not, look up "Home" by Phil Wickham.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rnkNqn3i0I

Praises.

prayer requests:
-that satan no longer has the power to harm my body
-that I will walk in the truth
-that I will allow the Lord to use me to love and serve others
-that I will continue to seek the presence of God and be transformed by it!

Hello friends. :)

Well, we just got back tonight from our safari to Murchison Falls. I am EXHAUSTED, but it was so so worth it. I'll hopefully be able to upload some pictures soon.. I left just completely blown away by God's beauty and creativity. It really is amazing how intricate and amazing His creation is. How people can see the world and not see Him just blows me away!!

Anyway, there were 7 of us that went and it was really good. We had some great and challenging conversations.. We encouraged each other and pushed each other towards the cross. And what are relationships for, if not to sharpen each other to look more like Christ?

Something that I was really encouraged by this weekend is just knowing that I am where God wants me. During a conversation with a few of the girls, I was asked if last year I ever wondered WHY I was here for so long or missed home so badly. The answer, to both, was no. The only night that I questioned what in the world I was doing was the first night last year, when I was completely overwhelmed. And although there are/were definitely things that I miss about home (family, friends, Chick-Fil-A, nice paved roads and traffic laws, the lack of ants, etc....) nothing about that outweighs the love that I have for the people here and my joy and contentment that comes from serving here, knowing that this is exactly where I am called right now. I am so thankful that the other volunteer asked me that because I was so encouraged by it. :) God is good. I am not, but I am thankful for this answer from Him through my obedience.

Due to some new privacy policies at the orphanage, I am not allowed to post pictures of any of the kids that are here. I am so sad about this, but I will respect it. I will do my best to show Uganda through pictures of things other than these children (although the internet is pretty slow and I may wait until I get home), and will be happy to go through pictures with anyone interested when I get home. :)

Prayer requests:
*that I will die to myself daily and learn more of what it means to be less of me and more of Him
*that I will be better about reading Scripture
*that I will be humbled and broken by what is around me
*that I will joyfully serve the kids, the mamas, and the other volunteers

Love ya'll!! Thanks so much for your support!

Well, I arrived! Safe and sound and with all my luggage. Praise the Lord for that! Some of the other volunteers were missing their stuff for a few days, so I am definitely thankful for that!

Don't have a lot of time to write but wanted to send a quick one out.

Things are going great. A lot has changed around here and so it is taking adjusting, but God is moving and things are amazing. Holding the kids in my arms again just made me feel like I was home. I absolutely love it here. It was so fun to see the kids from last year and to meet the new ones. Same with the mamas. They were so excited to see me, it made my day. And I'd like to think that some of the older kiddos remembered me, but I'm not so sure. Haha.

A group of volunteers took a boat ride today to the source of the Nile. It was such a sketchy boat which made it hilarious and awesome. While we were stopped at the little island that marks where Lake Victoria ends and the river starts, one of the boatmen was literally scooping water out of the middle of the boat. TIA. (This is Africa.) Typical. It was really fun though.

I've only been here a couple of days but I already feel like God is teaching me so much. It's definitely going to be different than last year and I know God is going to stretch and teach me things and grow me in whole new ways.

Please pray for a barrier against illness, as I've only been here a couple of days and have already had some issues. Pray that I am able to love and serve with only strength that God can provide.

I love and miss everyone! :)