Monday, April 15, 2013
Worse Than Judas
I have recently become a little bit
fascinated with Judas.
Intrigued. Curious.
My mind is riddled with questions
about him, his life, and his ministry with Jesus.
We don't know much about him, do we?
He's basically only known as the disciple who betrayed Jesus. The one who gave
over the Christ for a mere bag of money.
But.. There has to be so much more to
his story.
After all, this was a man who KNEW
Jesus. Intimately. For years. He had
seen Him heal the sick, feed the hungry, cast out demons, and teach about God's
kingdom. He was by His side when Jesus fed the 5,000. Raised Lazarus from the
dead. Made the blind see. Cured leprosy. He walked with Jesus. WITH HIM! He
left his former life to follow Jesus just like Matthew left collecting taxes
and Peter left fishing. He gave up everything to be a disciple.
So what happened? Why did he do it?
What circumstances was he under? Was trickery or deceit involved? As
portrayed on "The Bible" series on the History Channel, was he
tricked into thinking that the officials only wanted to have a little chat with
Jesus? Did he really know the gravity of what he was doing? The fact that he
later was filled with so much grief that he went and hung himself makes me
think that he was overwhelmed by the weight and consequences of his decision. Luke and
John both say that satan had entered Judas just before he made the deal with
the priests. A disciple of Christ was possessed by the devil. But how? How did someone who intimately
knew Jesus allow an opening of that size for the enemy?
And then I take my eyes off of Judas
and turn them to the worst sinner I know.
Me.
I realize that I don’t know Jesus as well as Judas knew
Him.
I realize I have betrayed Jesus more than Judas ever did.
And it sinks in that I have done it for so much less than thirty pieces of
silver.
I have betrayed the Man who loves me perfectly, who
sacrificed Himself in the most extreme of ways for me, who rescued and redeemed
me…
And I have done it for less than fractions of pennies.
I’ve done it for the approval of others. For instant
gratification in the arms of someone who loves me much less than He does. For affirmation. For a boost in my self-esteem. For temporary satisfaction. Full of pride and foolishly thinking
that I know better than He does.
And yet… His love for me doesn’t change. His pursuit of my
heart never changes. No matter how many times I grieve Him, His mercies are new
for me each morning. He doesn’t leave me in the pit. He comes down into the
trenches with me, picks me up, and carries me out.
Oh, what a Savior!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
2012 Adventures Around the World
As anyone who reads this probably knows, my 2012 was a tid bit out of the ordinary. I spent the year traveling to 11 different countries, serving and loving and learning more about Jesus. I will be returning to the mission field & to this blog soon, but for now, read about my year and what's going on here:
www.gracehartmann.theworldrace.org
Until we meet again!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Deuces, 2011.
In 2011, I...
...welcomed in the new year in Uganda with some of my best friends and illegal fireworks.
...watched and encouraged Emily in starting an orphanage for kids with disabilities. Look how far it's come! www.ekisa.org
...fell in love for the first time.
...had good coffee with great friends.
...grew in my faith.
...learned more about God's grace and mercy than I ever knew.
...did things I said I'd never do.
...regretted some things that I didn't do.
...graduated from university. Finally.
...had my heart broken and put back together.
...took my 4th trip to Uganda.
...had my heart stolen by even more kiddos.
...fed a monkey by hand.
...named a one-month old baby girl in the slums.
...visited a prison for teenagers.
...relaxed at a pool overlooking the River Nile.
...rode a camel.
...watched families embrace life with their adopted children.
...fell more and more in love with Africa.
...was a bridesmaid in a wedding for my sweet friend, Laurel.
...spent time with people who have challenged me in so many ways.
...learned how to be a better wife and mother in the future.
...took steps of obedience that I didn't want to take.
...didn't take steps of obedience that I should have taken.
...ate fish head soup.
...met the people I will be spending 2012 with.
...had the priviledge of being part of my friend Katie's book tour. Read about her work here: www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com and here: www.amazima.org
...was at a home-birth for my friend's son.
...ended the year on a beautiful, 70 degree day with some of the people who have affected my life the most.
Lord willing, in 2012 I will...
...start the year in the arms of loved ones.
...go to 11 different countries and spread the hope of the Gospel.
...make a difference in the world for the Glory of His name.
...have as much of an effect on others' lives as they have on mine.
...ride an elephant.
...love better than I ever have.
...be a faithful prayer warrior.
...draw in closer to His heart.
...let go of what could have been, and trust that it is in His control.
...swim in the ocean again. (It's been too long!)
...see a witch doctor come to know Jesus.
...grow in my faith.
...not get too terribly sick.
...let go of friendships that God meant only for a season that has passed.
...embrace the friendships that He has given me for the present.
...be a catalyst in the spreading of the Gospel.
...see girls freed from the sex trade.
...learn many new things.
...learn things that will make me a better wife and mother in the future.
...allow Christ to weaken and strip-away the footholds that the enemy has in my life.
...see more orphans be adopted into their forever families.
...let my guard down so that I can learn more from others and they can learn more from me.
...see people get healed.
...die to myself daily.
...go great white shark cage diving.
...go on a beautiful hike. Or 2. Or 7. Or 11.
...drink good coffee with great friends.
...go to sleep in so many different places that I'm not always sure where I am when I wake up.
...trust Him more and more for what He has in store for me. The people, the places, the plans. Trust that He is good and wants to bless me as His daughter.
...end the year in the arms of loved ones.
2011 has been quite the year.. Excited for 2012!
...welcomed in the new year in Uganda with some of my best friends and illegal fireworks.
...watched and encouraged Emily in starting an orphanage for kids with disabilities. Look how far it's come! www.ekisa.org
...fell in love for the first time.
...had good coffee with great friends.
...grew in my faith.
...learned more about God's grace and mercy than I ever knew.
...did things I said I'd never do.
...regretted some things that I didn't do.
...graduated from university. Finally.
...had my heart broken and put back together.
...took my 4th trip to Uganda.
...had my heart stolen by even more kiddos.
...fed a monkey by hand.
...named a one-month old baby girl in the slums.
...visited a prison for teenagers.
...relaxed at a pool overlooking the River Nile.
...rode a camel.
...watched families embrace life with their adopted children.
...fell more and more in love with Africa.
...was a bridesmaid in a wedding for my sweet friend, Laurel.
...spent time with people who have challenged me in so many ways.
...learned how to be a better wife and mother in the future.
...took steps of obedience that I didn't want to take.
...didn't take steps of obedience that I should have taken.
...ate fish head soup.
...met the people I will be spending 2012 with.
...had the priviledge of being part of my friend Katie's book tour. Read about her work here: www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com and here: www.amazima.org
...was at a home-birth for my friend's son.
...ended the year on a beautiful, 70 degree day with some of the people who have affected my life the most.
Lord willing, in 2012 I will...
...start the year in the arms of loved ones.
...go to 11 different countries and spread the hope of the Gospel.
...make a difference in the world for the Glory of His name.
...have as much of an effect on others' lives as they have on mine.
...ride an elephant.
...love better than I ever have.
...be a faithful prayer warrior.
...draw in closer to His heart.
...let go of what could have been, and trust that it is in His control.
...swim in the ocean again. (It's been too long!)
...see a witch doctor come to know Jesus.
...grow in my faith.
...not get too terribly sick.
...let go of friendships that God meant only for a season that has passed.
...embrace the friendships that He has given me for the present.
...be a catalyst in the spreading of the Gospel.
...see girls freed from the sex trade.
...learn many new things.
...learn things that will make me a better wife and mother in the future.
...allow Christ to weaken and strip-away the footholds that the enemy has in my life.
...see more orphans be adopted into their forever families.
...let my guard down so that I can learn more from others and they can learn more from me.
...see people get healed.
...die to myself daily.
...go great white shark cage diving.
...go on a beautiful hike. Or 2. Or 7. Or 11.
...drink good coffee with great friends.
...go to sleep in so many different places that I'm not always sure where I am when I wake up.
...trust Him more and more for what He has in store for me. The people, the places, the plans. Trust that He is good and wants to bless me as His daughter.
...end the year in the arms of loved ones.
2011 has been quite the year.. Excited for 2012!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
His story.
I have lived a very blessed life. It's had it's share of ups and downs like anyone else's, but looking back, I'd say it's been pretty easy. I have a very loving family. I've never wondered if I would eat that night or if I could continue to pay school fees. I've been told about Jesus for as long as I can remember. And recently, this has been a very hard concept for me to understand.
In my limited experience on the mission field, I have met people who have truly suffered. I have friends who watched their families hacked to pieces by machetes. I know people who do not know where their next meal is coming from. I have friends who grew up in refugee camps. People that I love have AIDS. I have a friend who is the only living member of her family because the rest were killed by the LRA. My sweet, "adopted" Ugandan mama lost her 3 year old son because he was electrocuted by the fence of a neighbor who was stealing the electricity to run it and had it set to an illegal voltage, and she walked out of court with no punishment. I have held children that have been abused and neglected. I know mothers who have lost every single one of their children to HIV and malnutrition. I know children that have been dumped in pit latrines to die in the sewage.
I listen to their stories. I laugh with them; I cry with them. And I look back on my own life and wonder why I've always had it so easy.
Today this was on my mind a lot. As I look toward the year ahead, I wonder how I can possibly be an encouragement to a woman who has been viciously raped and is now pregnant. To people who have been abused by the church. To girls caught in the sex trade who have never seen what true love is. To orphans that are old enough to understand that they were abandoned. How can I possibly be an encouragement to the persecuted church when the hardest thing about going to church MY ENTIRE LIFE has only been getting up and ready in time?
And then I am reminded. It's not about what I do. It's not about where I go or what I say. It's not about my story. It's about His story. His story shining through mine. My God, my big, glorious, perfect, holy, just and loving God is the same God for me as He is for them. Though the details will be different, He is in my stories as much as He is in theirs.
He will use me to encourage. He will use me to speak peace and comfort and boldness and whatever people need to hear. He will use me to heal. He will use me to bring joy. He will use me to preach the good news to the poor and set the captives free. He will use me because I want Him to use me.
Today He chose to remind me through my Jesus Calling for the day.. Let me share a bit of it with you:
"...however, some fears surface over and over again, especially fear of the future. you tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, year, decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly in those times. what you are seeing is a false image, because it doesn't include Me... when a future-oriented worry assails you, capture it and disarm it by suffusing the Light of My Presence into that mental image. say to yourself, "Jesus will be with me then and there. with His help, I can cope!" then, come home to the present moment, where you can enjoy Peace in My Presence."
Yes. He will be with me. Even when I feel so inadequate and as though nothing I can say will bring His joy and peace and comfort. Even when my suffering pales in comparison and I don't know how I can possibly be an encouragement... He will use me.
Mostly, He will use me to love on the people that I come into contact with. All of them. The orphans in Haiti. The sex-trafficked women in Moldova. My teammates. The witch doctors in Swaziland. The pastors in China. My squad. The widows in India. People in each country, at every hostel, and on every train.
Because His story.. It's about love.
In my limited experience on the mission field, I have met people who have truly suffered. I have friends who watched their families hacked to pieces by machetes. I know people who do not know where their next meal is coming from. I have friends who grew up in refugee camps. People that I love have AIDS. I have a friend who is the only living member of her family because the rest were killed by the LRA. My sweet, "adopted" Ugandan mama lost her 3 year old son because he was electrocuted by the fence of a neighbor who was stealing the electricity to run it and had it set to an illegal voltage, and she walked out of court with no punishment. I have held children that have been abused and neglected. I know mothers who have lost every single one of their children to HIV and malnutrition. I know children that have been dumped in pit latrines to die in the sewage.
I listen to their stories. I laugh with them; I cry with them. And I look back on my own life and wonder why I've always had it so easy.
Today this was on my mind a lot. As I look toward the year ahead, I wonder how I can possibly be an encouragement to a woman who has been viciously raped and is now pregnant. To people who have been abused by the church. To girls caught in the sex trade who have never seen what true love is. To orphans that are old enough to understand that they were abandoned. How can I possibly be an encouragement to the persecuted church when the hardest thing about going to church MY ENTIRE LIFE has only been getting up and ready in time?
And then I am reminded. It's not about what I do. It's not about where I go or what I say. It's not about my story. It's about His story. His story shining through mine. My God, my big, glorious, perfect, holy, just and loving God is the same God for me as He is for them. Though the details will be different, He is in my stories as much as He is in theirs.
He will use me to encourage. He will use me to speak peace and comfort and boldness and whatever people need to hear. He will use me to heal. He will use me to bring joy. He will use me to preach the good news to the poor and set the captives free. He will use me because I want Him to use me.
Today He chose to remind me through my Jesus Calling for the day.. Let me share a bit of it with you:
"...however, some fears surface over and over again, especially fear of the future. you tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, year, decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly in those times. what you are seeing is a false image, because it doesn't include Me... when a future-oriented worry assails you, capture it and disarm it by suffusing the Light of My Presence into that mental image. say to yourself, "Jesus will be with me then and there. with His help, I can cope!" then, come home to the present moment, where you can enjoy Peace in My Presence."
Yes. He will be with me. Even when I feel so inadequate and as though nothing I can say will bring His joy and peace and comfort. Even when my suffering pales in comparison and I don't know how I can possibly be an encouragement... He will use me.
Mostly, He will use me to love on the people that I come into contact with. All of them. The orphans in Haiti. The sex-trafficked women in Moldova. My teammates. The witch doctors in Swaziland. The pastors in China. My squad. The widows in India. People in each country, at every hostel, and on every train.
Because His story.. It's about love.
Friday, October 28, 2011
It's About the Journey
I've recently come to the conclusion that life isn't about where we end up.
It's not about the final result. The completed task. The finished race.
It's about the journey. The process of how we got to where we are. What we learned along the way.
You see, I had a plan. My plan was to finish college (which I did), buy a one-way ticket to Uganda (which I did not), and be well on my way to life as a full-time missionary living in Africa (which I am not.)
Needless to say, life is not going according to my plans.
Instead, I graduated college, spent my third summer in a row in Uganda, came home, and started raising support for something else. Something that, in all honesty, I did not want to do. Instead of moving indefinitely to the country that I have fallen in love with over the past two and a half years, I will be leaving in January to spend eleven months visiting eleven countries that I do not feel called to and am not in love with. Not exactly my first choice.
But that's the thing. It's not about where I end up. It's about the journey.
A few weeks ago I headed down to a small town in northern Georgia to go to training camp for my upcoming trip. To say I went in hesitant would be an understatement. Although I had already started raising support, I went into training begging the Lord to close the door. To give me a peace that I wasn't supposed to go on this trip, that He had something else in mind. To let me walk away from the week happy that I had gone, but sure as sure could be that this trip wasn't for me.
Instead, I had the most exhausting, overwhelming, intense, draining, and hard week of my life. Bar none. And I knew. By the end of the first night, I knew that I was supposed to be there. Dang it.
I do not even know a tiny bit of what the upcoming year holds for me. It's not about the fact that at the end of every month, I will be laying my head down on a pillow in another country. It doesn't matter that at the end of the year, my feet will again hit American soil. It's not about that.
It's about where He takes me throughout the year. The still, small moments when I feel His presence and hear His voice. The hearts that are yearning to hear the Gospel, the good news of a Savior who loves them just the way they are-- even in the midst of their mess. The moments when He uses conversations to change lives. The diapers that need to be changed. The moments I see Him in a way that I never thought I would. The times where I learn to die to myself and choose to live that way. The children that need to be held. The people that need to see HOPE, myself included. The moments where I learn to pour out every drop of love that I have simply because He has loved me so well.
So I'm going on a journey. (Tentatively) Dominican Republic, Haiti, Romania, Moldova, Mozambique, Swaziland, South Africa, Nepal, India, China, and Philippines here I come.
Join me?
It's not about the final result. The completed task. The finished race.
It's about the journey. The process of how we got to where we are. What we learned along the way.
You see, I had a plan. My plan was to finish college (which I did), buy a one-way ticket to Uganda (which I did not), and be well on my way to life as a full-time missionary living in Africa (which I am not.)
Needless to say, life is not going according to my plans.
Instead, I graduated college, spent my third summer in a row in Uganda, came home, and started raising support for something else. Something that, in all honesty, I did not want to do. Instead of moving indefinitely to the country that I have fallen in love with over the past two and a half years, I will be leaving in January to spend eleven months visiting eleven countries that I do not feel called to and am not in love with. Not exactly my first choice.
But that's the thing. It's not about where I end up. It's about the journey.
A few weeks ago I headed down to a small town in northern Georgia to go to training camp for my upcoming trip. To say I went in hesitant would be an understatement. Although I had already started raising support, I went into training begging the Lord to close the door. To give me a peace that I wasn't supposed to go on this trip, that He had something else in mind. To let me walk away from the week happy that I had gone, but sure as sure could be that this trip wasn't for me.
Instead, I had the most exhausting, overwhelming, intense, draining, and hard week of my life. Bar none. And I knew. By the end of the first night, I knew that I was supposed to be there. Dang it.
I do not even know a tiny bit of what the upcoming year holds for me. It's not about the fact that at the end of every month, I will be laying my head down on a pillow in another country. It doesn't matter that at the end of the year, my feet will again hit American soil. It's not about that.
It's about where He takes me throughout the year. The still, small moments when I feel His presence and hear His voice. The hearts that are yearning to hear the Gospel, the good news of a Savior who loves them just the way they are-- even in the midst of their mess. The moments when He uses conversations to change lives. The diapers that need to be changed. The moments I see Him in a way that I never thought I would. The times where I learn to die to myself and choose to live that way. The children that need to be held. The people that need to see HOPE, myself included. The moments where I learn to pour out every drop of love that I have simply because He has loved me so well.
So I'm going on a journey. (Tentatively) Dominican Republic, Haiti, Romania, Moldova, Mozambique, Swaziland, South Africa, Nepal, India, China, and Philippines here I come.
Join me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
